If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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