and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
