A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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