that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
