oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
