I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You ruined the universe
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
