did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
