At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
