After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
