this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
