Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
