I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
