worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
