Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
