There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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