I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
