I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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