Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
