Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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