Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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