Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
