perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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