I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
