That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
