Even the bartender felt bad for me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
