I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
