I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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