I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
