he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
