You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
