I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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