Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
