I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
