A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize