Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
