She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
