I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
