new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
