I'm eating all of the evidence.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
