I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
