On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
