Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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