East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
