I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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