And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
