just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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