Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
