So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
