there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
