I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
