listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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