I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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