She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
