just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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