I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am one with the molecules
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
