Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize