i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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