i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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