The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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