Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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