I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
