One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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