If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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