I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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