You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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