i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Randomize
