making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize