I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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