Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
