haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
