hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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