there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
