masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
