Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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