hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
