She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
