This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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