Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
