she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
