Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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