talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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