Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
