the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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