: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
