Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
