my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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