just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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