wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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