I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize