Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
