YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
