A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
