My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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