i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
