Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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