I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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