Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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