The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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