I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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